We do things in our lives because we get a benefit from it. No matter how horrible it may seem we will still get a benefit from it. If we perceive that the benefit that we are getting outweighs the benefits that we will get if we stop doing whatever we are doing, then we […]
The two most common ways to cope with trauma are: To talk about it with everyone. To keep it inside and tell nobody. Whist this is a way of coping it is often not successful. The trauma and guilt is still there and it eats away at you until you express it as anger, depression,
Just recently I had a client who although she said age wanted to quit smoking could not. After two visits we explored why this was happening. It turned out that over the last few years her husband and many of her friends had died of cancer. She said it was as if everybody had abandoned
When we help a person to manage pain we want that person to be able to manage that pain without becoming dependent on us. Our philosophy is to teach the person another tool to help them manage their pain. Often when a person comes to see us they are on medication or are having some
Many people who have experienced trauma in the past carry a lot of blame, shame and guilt. When we have a traumatic or stressful event in our lives the body goes into a survival mode; fight, flight or freeze. In other words, our choices are to fight, run away or if the event is overwhelming
Everybody lives their lives according to their top values and the way we live our lives demonstrates our values. We can have three types of relationships, where we impose our values on the other person (careless relationship) or where we allow someone else to impose their values on us (careful relationship). The third type of
I had someone who was coming to see me to quit smoking cigarettes and they said that they were really nervous about it. When I asked them why they were nervous about quit smoking they said to me that it was their crutch and they were afraid that they would fail. Let’s look at this
When you decide to quit smoking it is important that you choose someone to help you that you connect with and that you trust. As with most things in life you will work better with someone when you tryst and connect with them. It’s no different when you decide to stop smoking cigarettes. When you
Our choices are ‘value statements!’ We choose what gives us the most benefits over drawbacks or less pain! We will ‘do’ things to be accepted, acknowledged, supported, loved, by others or a group. We will also ‘bend rules’ to gain more comfrot over pain. This Pluses and Minus can relate to any or all areas of our lives. There is an old saying “men die for it, babies cry for it!” Recognition, acceptance, and belonging are all major persuaders when people do things and we ask ‘what were you thinking?’
Holding back information is never a good idea, especially when trying to resolve mental health issues. Your subconscious mind is designed to keep you safe. If you are getting more benefits being ‘stuck’ than getting back your life, your subconscious mind will keep you stuck! Your therapist needs to know your secondary benefits so he can reframe your results.
