The reason why we want to fit in

Just recently I had a young man that came to see me because he was feeling very anxious. When we talked about what had set the anxiety attack off he said it was because he did not seem to fit in his group. He saw people that were outgoing and socialised easily and was envious of them.Do you fit in?

This happens all the time but it can reach proportions where the person becomes traumatised by it.

There are two main reasons why this situation can arise. The first is comparing yourself with others. When you do this, you become dissatisfied with yourself and with what you have. You have no idea what that person’s life is like. You are just seeing a part of them. Truth be known you probably would not want to have that person’s life.

Be Yourself

Focus on your life and what you want instead of focusing on someone else’s life.

The second and probably the most important thing why this young man was anxious about not being able to fit in comes down programming. A lot of our programming is from many years in the past. When we were cavemen or women if you were being chased by a saber-toothed tiger your chances of survival were much higher if you were in a group. The tiger may eat someone else rather then you.

Safety in Groups

This has been passed down and it is still true that your chances of safety and survival are higher if you fit in a group. That’s why people hang out together. The problem with the young man was that he had nothing in common with the group he was trying to be part of. The solution is to find another group that he has a commonality with and does fit in.

In summary, anxiety can arise from not fitting into a group, this originates from our history, culture and upbringing.   It also can be a reflection of our self-worth, confidence, and underlying fears.

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